Living as a virtuous paedophile is extremely difficult, as many of those who suffer with these urges feel unable to be honest about their thoughts, even with friends and family. The risk of being isolated and ostracised is too great for most non-offending paedophiles.

 

I spoke to VP founder Ethan Edwards to find out just how hard it is to live as, what he refers to as, a ‘celibate’ paedophile.

 

Ethan seems to have found more peace than most with his urges, as I asked him how difficult it is to stop thoughts becoming actions.

 

“I've never even considered getting help for it, any more than most men seek help for figuring out how not to rape adult women,” Ethan explained.

 

“I'm unusual in first realizing I was a paedophile after the age of 50. It was OK with me, as I knew I would never act on it and I had long had the worldview that thoughts were not moral or immoral, only actions were. I didn't do anything in response to the knowledge.”

 

Despite Ethan’s claim that he has never thought about ‘getting help’, the act of setting up Virtuous Paedophiles has provided a form of unprofessional help for others suffering from similar urges. It is a natural human response to want to find like-minded people going through the same issues as you, and that’s exactly what Virtuous Paedophiles has done.

 

Ethan said: “It is very difficult to find help. Members of our VP support group have many stories to tell. For one thing, no free services are available to people who fear they will offend -- they are only for people who have already offended.

“Secondly, the mandated reporting laws are very serious obstacles. Therapists are often quick to make a report just to be safe (regarding the penalties for failure to report). Paedophiles know this and common advice is to just never seek professional help. Even if an investigation reveals no abuse, it is public and effectively ruins a man's life -- being outed as a paedophile can lead to very serious discrimination or even violence.

 

“Third, a great many therapists have no sympathy for paedophiles as people but see them as nothing but potential molesters. They are trained in general to empathize with a client's troubles whatever they are, but there is a big exception when the problem is paedophilic thoughts.”

 

So, is there a enough of a support network for these kinds of paedophiles, and does the stigma around the word paedophile detract from what is an uncontrollable condition?

 

The definition of ‘paedophile’ is ‘someone who is attracted to children’, but the term can cover a huge variety of people with a huge variety of mind-sets.

 

“Our primary aim is to educate the general public that many paedophiles are not molesters, and are not destined to become molesters. As people with a condition we did not choose and cannot change, we deserve acceptance to the extent we make sure never to act on our attractions,” Ethan said.

 

“We also run a support group for paedophiles where topmost on our minds is helping them never to offend, but in fact the vast majority of what we do is help paedophiles feel less isolated and alone and hopeless -- while never weakening the determination never to offend.

 

“I do strenuously agree that men should resist acting on any attraction to girls that young. It's right that it is illegal and the men face legal consequences. But people are imperfect, they will drive drunk, beat up other people, rob them, kill them without meaning to (manslaughter), and so forth. I see no reason to single out acting sexually with a willing girl that age as a crime more horrible than all the others and warranting a life sentence (the effect of many US sex offender registries).”

 

Ethan talks further about this issue in his blog.

 

With over 2,000 members of Virtuous Paedophiles alone, the isolation that these people feel is a very real problem. Can we really blame people for something that they have no control over?

 

Sexuality expert James Cantor argues that groups such as Virtuous Paedophiles can go a long way to ensuring that the majority of ‘celibate’ paedophiles do not offend.

 

Cantor said: "It is hard to imagine someone who would feel more isolated than someone who recognizes he is sexually interested in children. In my experience, it is in those phases of greatest desperation that a paedophile is most likely to do something desperate, risking harm to a child.”

 

"Mutual support among people who share the same daily battle with their own desires can go a long way in addressing the extreme isolation, serving as a potential pressure valve, adding layer of protection, helping paedophiles to keep their behaviours under control.”